In the Army, I've had plenty of exposure to the behaviors and sometimes thoughts of hundreds of mostly 20-something Korean men. I guess you can't help it if you live with them 24/7. One of the more interesting observations was the relationship between Korean guys and sex/women. Of course people are people and everybody is different in someway. Not everybody is like how I'll describe. But this experience also opened my eyes to some tendencies and general mentality of people as well. Things like...
K-Pop Girl Groups are Glorified Strippers
This may not come as a surprise to those who follow K-Pop or read James Turnbull's excellent blog, The Grand Narrative, as it's no secret that many female (and male) musicians and celebrities use their sexuality to sell themselves. In K-Pop, this issue may be more complicated than it appears initially. Anyway, the realization didn't really hit me until sometime during my service. I knew Korean guys, especially sexually deprived conscripts, liked female celebrities (duh, right?), but I didn't know how bad that affection was. I learned that Korean conscripts in general are obsessed with K-Pop girl groups, in particular Girls' Generation. By obsessed, I mean really obsessed. A good example of this is rapper Psy's description of his military service.
In this show, Psy says he was made to stand guard while watching the TV so he could alert senior conscripts that Girls' Generation was on it. While it wasn't that extreme in my unit, it was quite normal to see guys flock to the TV whenever GG or other good looking female celebrities were on air. Every Friday and Saturday, when the major networks have those "music" shows parading group after group, entire units would stay glued to the TV. Guys would watch the same music video or performance repeatedly so they could oggle at the girls. Their bare legs exposed, sexy dancing, and terrible music (not a secret among conscripts either), it was pretty obvious there was only one reason for these "musicians" to exist. These girls are glorified strippers, covered in the thin veil of "music" so it doesn't seem as creepy and sad as going to a strip club. For conscripts, it's usually the only form of sexual gratification they're allowed while on base.
The TV in my squad's living quarters was better though.
Prostitution is Kind of...Normal
I don't mean guys would sell their bodies on base. That'd be disgusting. What I meant was that going to visit prostitutes while on leave is normal. This probably applies to civilians as well. According to this article, 4 out of 10 Korean men have visited prostitutes last year. I can't find the article, but I also remember reading how a large portion of Korean men lose their virginity to prostitutes, especially during military service. Prostitution is a hidden yet an important part of Korean society. However, I never really knew how prevalent it was.
It wasn't uncommon to hear guys talk about the brothel they visited after returning from leave or discuss which ones they should visit before leave. What was interesting to me was how nonchalantly the matter was discussed. It wasn't some secret or an act they're ashamed of; it was rather normal. It was just something you did since you're a guy. Some guys would ask me if I ever went to one, and when I'd answer no, they would act mildly surprised.
While I'm not against prostitution myself (I think it should be legalized), it was and is still technically illegal in this country and soldiers doing illegal shit isn't something the military wants. Our commander would form us up and hold regular lectures on the dangers of prostitution. One of my COs informed us of the risk of diseases and the illegality of it. But knowing how prevalent it is, he concluded, "If you're going to pay for sex, don't use your card since it can get traced back to you!"
If a guy wants to get fucked by a hooker, that's his business, but I found it weird that how many young guys in their twenties considered it one of their go-to activities. Do they even have the money for it?
Cheating is Normal Too Apparently
This may or may not come as a surprise, but cheating on your significant other was dealt with similarly to prostitution. Next to prostitutes, the other most popular topic of leave (food and video games came next) was meeting girls. This would be normal except even guys with girlfriends indulged in this particular pastime. Guys would talk about how they went drinking with a girl and tried to get into her pants and their girlfriend wasn't there. Visiting hookers while being romantically involved isn't strange either.
I was actually exposed to this mentality before my entry to the military. In the company I briefly worked at, I was shocked the first time a married coworker in his thirties asked our boss for the company card so he and some of the other guys could go to a room salon during one of the company 회식s. The guy also egged me to go and when I refused, he asked me if I didn't like women, and when I said I have a girlfriend, he punched me in the chest, which he promptly apologized for when he remembered that I consider trading punches a fun activity. What equally surprised me was that our boss (a woman, if it makes any difference) didn't seem particularly disgusted by the guy despite knowing he was married.
So I assumed this sort of behavior was normal among older Korean guys, but I did not expect it in guys my age and younger. Once again, cheating on your significant other is your business, but it is still a shitty thing to do. Shittier than a single guy going to a brothel in my opinion. But that's my opinion. I noted how normal it seemed to everybody else and moved on.
White Chicks Are a Special Prize
The sexuality of white women in Korea is probably a well-discussed topic on the internet among expats in Korea. There's probably some debate over how much Korean guys want to bang a white chick or how white girls are considered "trophies." I don't think this is really a matter of debate as the seeming abundance of prostitution establishments specializing in "white horses" and internet posts asking "Where can I ride a white horse" attest.
Here are a few of my military experiences that served to confirm what I already suspected. One of the most common things new guys get asked when they first arrive at their unit is their sexual and romantic history. Since I lived in the States, it was almost expected when they went, "OMG! Did you date a white girl? How was it? Was it good?" Yes, I did date a white American girl during my time in the US. I must've hit the jackpot because I soon became known as "the guy who rode a white horse." Later, guys whom I have never met before would come up to me and remark, "Hey, you fucked a white girl didn't you?" Okaaay...
One of my seniors in my platoon was an expert on prostitution in Korea. The guy was a sad loser who gained his knowledge via first-hand experience. Lots of first-hand experience. Dude once talked about the time he went to a Russian prostitute like it was an accomplishment.
Superstar K, an American Idol type show, was very popular. There was a Korean-American contestant name John Park who was accompanied by a white girl during his audition. When he and the girl hugged, the guys watching the TV went, "Whoaa. Lucky bastard." This seemed to be a common response to any form of intimacy between an Asian guy and a white girl.
I've heard guys proclaim their wish to "ride a white horse" or wonder what a white girl feels like more than I can count.
This isn't really related to the topic, but once during visitation hours, I saw a white girl on base to visit what I'm assuming was her conscript boyfriend. It was memorable because everybody was glancing at her and you could totally tell they were thinking, "Look, a foreigner. What's she doing here?"
Marriage is Cool
This was a very interesting observation. It didn't seem as common as the aforementioned prostitution and cheating, but it offers a strange contrast. Especially considering some of them were the same people. On one hand cheating and fucking hookers is normal and on the other, getting married is an important goal in life.
I found it intriguing how guys in their twenties would express their desire to settle down. Watching a TV drama about marriage, some guys would exclaim, "Damn I wanna get married." They reminded me of young girls in the States day dreaming about their wedding and infatuated with fantasies of living happily ever after.
I don't know what else to add to this other than wonder why this is. At an age where sleeping around as a much as possible is biologically wired into them, and in a society where prostitution is illegal yet accepted, getting married is a desire for these guys. Is it because they're indoctrinated? I'm not sure what these guys thought went down in marriage either. Do they consider the hows and whys? What purpose are they after in getting married?
Maybe nobody bothered to share such thoughts with me but it should be noted that the military is a place where seniors use their juniors as sort of vessels to pour their thoughts and opinions on. And the lower ranking guys would have no choice but to listen.
In conclusion, the observations I've made were interesting. To me anyway. I'll add more if I think of any but I think this is pretty much it.
Good to read you, man.
ReplyDeleteBeing proud of going to the brothel, isn't limited to the Korean conscripts. It also is the case in the French Foreign Legion.
By the way, I'll apply for the Korean dual citizenship in a couple of years. Do you think I'll ever have to go to boot camp for a bit? That'd be a cool experience for sure...
Keep writing,
Thanks. You're probably right. Soldiers going to prostitutes is probably normal all over the world, but I what was weird to me was that I thought they wouldn't so open about it considering it's illegal and Koreans are obsessed with image. Perhaps going to a brothel isn't something to be ashamed of among men. I know Koreans guy wouldn't openly talk about it with women.
DeleteIf you apply for dual citizenship, then you probably have to enter the Army. But I'm no expert so don't take my word for it. You should probably check it with the MMA.
After having lived in Korea for four years and marrying a Korean man, I have found your observations to be quite accurate. My husband is an exception when it comes to visiting prostitutes and cheating, because I would never put up with that and, knowing these cultural tendencies, was very careful to find out about his past and beliefs on these points. I might add that I think a big reason that he never fell into these behaviors (besides his religious beliefs) is because he never went to the army due to a physical handicap, and it seems that Korean men unfortunately learn a lot of what it means to be a man and how to perceive women during their military service.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the sexualization of white women, I too found that to be the case, although I was unaware of the extent of the use of the charming term, "white horse". To name a few examples, I once attended an activity festival at my husband's university when we were dating, and as I walked up with him, all the students freaked out and started singing some congratulatory song in unison. I literally wanted to take off running for the nearest hiding spot. His professors acted like perverts, eyeing me and saying how they envied him, as did his uncle and cousins when I first met them. I was once a guest at a church member's house, and the man said (with his wife and children right there), "She's so pretty that she needs to be careful when she goes outside". I was thinking, Is that supposed to be a compliment or a threat? It was so creepy and messed up. With people reacting like this to our relationship all the time, it was especially terrifying to actually have our wedding in Korea, where I felt like an exotic animal there for everybody's entertainment. Ah, memories...
Anonymous you are living in a dream...if you are married to a Korean man than you are being cheated on...come back in a few years when you've realized how much and let us all know how it felt
ReplyDeleteHaha, I like the bluntness of your reply above.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're blogging again. I think a lot of the few people who visit my blog want to hear more about the Army but I haven't focused on it in a while. It's good to know there's somewhere for them to go for that.
As for the topic of the entry, I just wrote (in the book) about the second time I was asked if I had ridden a white horse (by practically a complete stranger). The first time was when I was in boot camp. I've never understood fetishism.
THIS LOSER IS IN KOREA ONLY TO LEECH MONEY FROM KOREANS WHILE HE GOES AROUND TAKING RANDOM PICTURES, MOCKING KOREANS AND LAUGHING AT KOREANS AND KOREAN CULTURE.... TYPICAL OF A STUPID LOSER WHO COULDN'T GET A JOB AT HOME AND A WHITE WOMAN. FETISHISM MUCH?
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, another pseudo virgin from Korean Sentry website who can only get sex by paying for it. Pay no attention to this kind of loser who honestly makes me sweat with embarrassment reading their comments.
ReplyDeleteA lot of Korean guys, especially those who flee abroad to the US, Canada or Australia, are incredibly bitchy and jealous. I really like your blog. What I've noticed about a lot of Korean guys is their feminine streak, especially among the younger guys.
I'm not saying guys being certain kinds of physical with each other are gay or bi - but a lot of non Koreans def note how homosocial the Korean society is and how that seems to tip over into homosexual behaviour in non gay jimjilbangs etc.
I've had the uncomfortable experience of bedding down in a normal jimjilbang only to hear the moans of Korean men sucking each other off.
Korean men seem to me a little like men from strict Muslim countries where homosexuality is seen as a great evil but nevertheless are secretly sucking and dicking each other, and basically don't like women that much.
In Korea it's got nothing to do with strict Islam and everything to do with the notion that men are first in everything including in their relationships with each other. It's also their smothering mothers and too much handling each other as kids.
Korean men are the gayest men I've met yet the most in denial about it. A lot of waygugin notice that. It's a big reason why there seem to be a lot more gay male foreign teachers in Korea than in other countries I've worked in.
Yikes to both of ya.
ReplyDeleteamazing read. enjoyed it. always thought i was the only one thinking this. So glad a guy actually wrote this (if a girl, like me wrote this, people would argue I'm jealous or something.)I just don't see a reason for every song by a girl group to be performed in a provocative way. I just dont like K-pop (esp girl groups) period.
ReplyDeleteSorry to "bust your shops" guys, but this army experience does not happen in South Korea only,but in every country on Earth.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you think the term "comfort women" was coined?. It wasn't only biased to Korean women it has existed through human history!
The Cave people,the Egyptians,The Roman, The Mongols,The Vikings, and the different clans of ancient humanity had sex with "comfort women"and raped all the conquered women in war,just like it happens in modern times.
The Koreans(North and South)and Chinese are so pathetic blaming Japan for the "humiliation of their comfort women". All occupying armies: Mongols,Portuguese,Spanish,French,Russian and English had raped all South East Asian women wherever they conquered and colonized. Even African warring tribes had Caucasian comfort women,from Israel,and also Egypt,Iran And other Arab lands. Its just a male characteristic of human nature. Man=Tarzan,woman= Jane! So to all Koreans and Chinese guys stop bashing Japan and all Western men about
"stealing your women" Women. Bullshit!,it's a fact tha Chinese and Korean have been raping other SouthEast Asian women for centuries! Also, it's a well know fact that in all countries of the world most women willingly lust to have sex with any conquering army. It's the undeniable reality of human sexism.
Not sure why you're bringing up comfort women when it was never mentioned. I would like to sources on the "fact" that Koreans have been raping other South East asian women and that most women lust to have sex with conquering armies.
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